My dreams are haunted

I swear it's true! Ok so apparently it didn't post this part of the original blog so I wanted to re post it. Seriously though, I'm the type of guy that has cycles of insomnia and cycles of splendid sleep. I'm currently in a limbo like state between the two. One night it's amazing. The next night it's 6 am and I'm not asleep yet. The one constant has been the intensity of my dreams (and nightmares) for the last 3 months. I'm not too emotionally scarred or anything. My parents divorced young sure but I did not have to deal with anything like child abuse, etc that in my mind leads to the insomnia fueled dreams I seem to have.

I have not spoken to my father in over a year and lately I've been having vivid dreams where either I'm standing at his funeral all alone with a hand full of dead flowers in a big thick black trench coat. Every time I have the dream it seems to be pouring rain. There's a minister. None of his brothers and sisters or nieces or nephews are there. None of my brothers are there. Just me. I'm not crying or emotional. I'm just standing there listening to the minister. Usually I wake up right about the time I go to lay the dead flowers on the gravestone. I also wake up in sweats.

In my fraternity I was super close with really only three of the brothers. All three of them were just like real life brothers to me. They knew a lot about me for the 2 years we knew each other. I often have dreams where I'm sitting in on sessions of us hanging out but I'm also watching the four of us hang out and things will unfold almost exactly as I remember them happening, whether it's just the four of us throwing back a few brews playing poker or us planning out stuff for pledges. Inevitably though what happens is there's a time warp to the robbing of my apartment and all I see is the three of them using the key that I let one of them have as a safety just in case and throwing a HUGE party, breaking half my shit and then stealing the other half. The closest of the three then unplugs my refrigerator letting about $500 worth of food go bad on purpose. I usually wake up from this in some for of a crying state and usually just spend about an hour extremely vulnerable and betrayed. This dream happens a lot lately.

The last really intense dream is that I'm falling out of a hot air balloon. It started about three weeks ago and happens about once every three days it seems. I fear heights like crazy. I refuse to get close to the edge of a balcony if I'm over 10 stories up. I have no issue flying or anything just being on top of buildings.

So for whatever reason my psyche thinks it needs to tell me something about these events and their meaning to my life I just haven't a faint of a clue to what it is.